Have you finally orgasmed yet?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize