The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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