Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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