She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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