genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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