my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize