Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
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When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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