I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize