On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize