Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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