I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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