did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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