I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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