ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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