Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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