by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
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i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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