Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
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we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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