I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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