OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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