I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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