Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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