bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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