I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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