We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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