I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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