He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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