i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
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A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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