Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
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Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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