So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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