Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize