Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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