Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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