I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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