pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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