I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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