btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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