I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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