My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
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I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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