There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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