Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize