He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize