I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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