so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
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he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
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He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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