If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
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didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
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we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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