did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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