She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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