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My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
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