if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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