I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize