weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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